I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
