Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
from now on my penis is your penis
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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