so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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