Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
