why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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