Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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