She said her name was "party"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize