i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
