Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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