it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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