i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I don't think brook has ever known best
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
