Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
