is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
50% drunk capacity currently
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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