Tell her she can't have a vagina
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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