My first STD was from a foam party
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Randomize
