I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
