My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
