i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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