How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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