But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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