People in love make me want to vomit
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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