Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
