You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
