I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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