I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
