After last night, I could never be a politician.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
