Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
