I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
