Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
