Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
