You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
