there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize