How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
