im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
