Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize