at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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