i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
