i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's official drugs can't kill me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
