I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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