too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
