Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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