Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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