we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
