So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
