I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
