when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
