ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
