This girl is more easily done than said...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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