I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
