that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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