I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
