I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
