I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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