i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
