It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
