I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
