I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
