wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize