Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
