Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
