then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
