Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
