i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
