I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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