Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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