Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
