i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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