I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
