margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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