Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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