last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We have started to decorate penises.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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