how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
