i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
