Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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