I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
