So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
