It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
