Nicole vs. Life
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
